Tesla's Timeless Critique: A Letter to Elon Musk's Electric Dreams

To Mr. Musk, Proprietor of the So-Called “Tesla” Enterprise,

Permit me this brief intrusion from the other side of eternity.

It has come to my attention—via peculiar modern contraptions resembling illuminated typewriters—that my good name has been affixed to a line of motor carriages, directed by invisible forces, and sold at a price most offensive to modest sensibilities.

I am told the vehicles are electric, which is commendable. But I am also told they feature doors which ascend like wings, dashboards that speak, and a regrettable tendency to collide with stationary objects whilst allegedly “driving themselves.” For this, I did not labor in the shadow of Westinghouse.

Moreover, the gentleman at the helm of this enterprise—yourself, I presume—appears to divide his energies between subterranean railway tunnels, celestial rocketry, and public epistolary sparring conducted via a communication forum known as “X,” formerly “Twitter,” formerly, I assume, “a mistake.”

You have made yourself Emperor of Batteries, Prophet of Mars, and Duke of Dogecoin—all in the name of progress. And yet, for all your resources, I cannot help but observe a poverty of restraint.

Therefore, let it be known: I object. Not to electricity, nor to ambition, but to the absurd carnival you have made of them both.

In truth and residual static,

Nikola Tesla

New York City, Eternity